I began my revision process by looking at my original work and re-reading the rubric thoroughly. I realized that my original spinning science project was not rhetorical enough and that took away from its effectiveness as a piece. I looked at the comments from Dr. Colvin and realized that my piece needed to clearly show more examples and explain how those examples support my argument by diving deeper than just the narrative. I looked at the emotion conveyed was pathos and how it furthered the author’s purpose in portraying Verizon’s brand. I met with a peer (Cam Cianciolo) who helped me realize that I needed to better integrate quotes in the form of quote sandwiches. The most effective edit to my original that pushed the revision above and beyond was the elimination of passive voice from my spinning science project. This changed the style and made the tone more assertive which made my writing much more rhetorical and effective.